Something Beautiful

I havent been on here in forever haha life has gotten pretty complicated and busy. I graduate high school in a month and a half and already find myself taking on responsibility.  Right now I’m sitting on the office computer of Kingdom Life Church, where I am due to have my graduation open house the weekend before graduation.  I am here right now due to a situation at home.  I’m there less and less because of my parents.  I basically feed myself and keep myself company when I’m not in school or hanging out with friends.  After the fight today, I am going to stay the night with a friend and maybe go back tomorrow.  Usually, someone might break under all this strain and stress but I find myself making sure that I have somewhere safe to go and stay.

#StopKony

The other day at track conditioning, I found myself praying while running.  I thanked God for the beautiful day and my teammates.  Then I started praying for self control to not complain about practice.  I think my attitude about prayer is starting to change.  I find myself praying for things I would never imagine I would pray for

In 3 months from last Saturday,  I will graduate from Washington High School in Washington Indiana.  Like most seniors,  I am excited for that day and sometimes it feels like it is not coming fast enough.  Looking back,  I remember both the good and bad times of the years leading up to now.  I was born with a lot of health problems and spent most of my childhood in hospitals, from the time I was one until a few months after I turned three.  I had severe acid reflux, which caused me to have to eat through a feeding tube.  Most healthy babies weigh anywhere between 20 and 30 pounds on their first birthday.  I weighed thirteen.  I have no memory of any of this.  I just know from stuff I have been told.  When I turned four, my family celebrated the first birthday I had out of the hospital.  Things with my health were normal until I got dehydrated on Thanksgiving of 1996.  I spent a week in the hospital and had to be monitored really closely.  After that,  I returned to being a normal, healthy child.  Fast forward to when I was twelve.  I had just graduated sixth grade and was in full mode to be ready to go to junior high.  I had been raised in a close knit family but things suddenly took a wrong turn.  Mom and Dad were not happy with each other.  Dad made Mom cry sometimes and she would threaten to leave.  I always thought that she was just saying that to get him to stop but one day in the middle of the summer, she followed through and moved me and my brother away from our dad.  We lived with a friend of her’s for a month or so.  Her friend tried to control everything me and my brother did and would not let my mother parent us in the way she wanted to.  Her friend would ground my brother and I for stuff we never did.  We all got tired of it so Mom moved us into an apartment across town.   My brother and I saw our Dad less and less.  On top of everything my mom’s friend did, she would tell me stuff about my dad that was not true.  She would say that he was a horrible man and he did not love me and my brother and mother.  I was a confused and scared little preteen.  Right before school started, we moved back in with my Dad and things got better.  Junior high went well with no real problems.  My dad and I had become more distant since we had moved out and he did not support anything I did.  I still succeeded in bringing in championships with academic bowl.  High school started with much excitement and anticipation.  I had my first boyfriend, my first job, and good grades and popularity.  I was a really happy girl.  Things could not get any better.  Fast forward again to February of my freshman year.  My boyfriend and I started fighting all the time and having issues that just could not be resolved.  We broke up four days before Valentines Day.  In the matter of two weeks I lost my job, boyfriend, good grades, and popularity.  I had to find a way to deal with all of the hardship.  I turned down the dark road of self mutilation, cutting and over-dosing on perscription drugs.  I did this for 3 months, got caught (thank God), and was sent to rehab for a week.  I have been clean almost 3 years.  I look back to see all I have overcome and it keeps me going.  My dad and I still do not get along but that is an issue that will be resolved in God’s timing and through much prayer.  I am going to college in the fall to be a social worker so I can help people heal.  I hope to also have a degree in juvenile studies so I can help teenagers work through confusion and heartache with healthy solutions.  As I walk across the floor to get my diploma I can assure you that I will be thanking God for bringing me to that day.  Soi Deos Gloria-To God Alone Be The Glory

Walls are falling, letting in the light

Don’t worry baby, even angels cry

I’m giving up pop for Lent…started yesterday and the headaches have already started..ugh..

We are the saints

We are the children

We’ve been redeemed

We’ve been forgiven

We are the sons and the daughters of our God

I think the perfect name for a little girl would be Zoey Elaine.  Zoey means “life” Elaine means “light” :) its so unique and pretty…nobody steal this name from me haha..I also like the name Nyriah Jane. It means “lamp of God”.  I like Hayden Daniel for a boy name..not quite sure what Hayden means but Daniel means “God is my judge”.  And Gideon John is nice too.  Gideon means “warrior” John means “God is gracious”…by the way I’m not pregnant lol I was just discussing good names with a friend of mine who is pregnant and she asked me what I would name a child